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Great Tips on Random Situations

Here are some signs that could be misinterpreted, enjoy! Remember, if a door is closed, karate chop it open.


If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.



If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.



If a door is closed, karate chop it open.



Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.



If you have set yourself on fire, do not run



If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.



If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.



Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!



If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder



If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.



If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.



After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.



Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.



Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.



Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.



The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.



If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.



If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.



A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.



Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile

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